Thursday, May 10, 2012

Physical and Personality Traits


 Description 10 min writing: 

Johnny was a tall man with the clearest hazel eyes you have ever seen.  He had freckles and as that colgate smile of his showed his dimples appeared in his both chubby cheeks. His friends use to make fun of him because of his pointy elf ears and his bushy eyebrows, but it didn’t really bother him. He was a shy and calm around strangers, but around the ones he loved he was hyper, bubbly and very ecstatic. He went to school and worked a part-time job, so he felt tired all the time and that brought a big concern to him because he needed to concentrate, he needed to stay in the study mode because midterms were around the corner. If he wasn’t studying or at work he would get bored out of his mind, so he would always find something to do. Maybe read a book or take a walk through the park. And that was Johnny.
  
Revision:

Trees envied Johnny’s height. His eyes sparkled like emerald stones scattered in a dry dead forest.  As he smiled, he illuminated the dark sky like shooting stares on the gloomiest nights.  Johnny’s happiness, like a banquet of food, rejoiced everyone that arose upon it.  Along with his adorable bullet holes on each side of his checks, he carried a lunar freckle on his collar bone that made girls melt like butter.  The wind combed Johnny’s wavy midnight black hair in every directions.
A mysterious dim fog surrounded him as he wandered among strangers, like a silent lamb walking unheard through a thirsty valley.  Around his loved ones, Johnny invigorated the atmosphere and somehow made everybody come together.  Johnny assisted the university and worked a part-time job.  At times, he seemed weary.  I knew that it concerned him because he needed to focus in school.  He needed to emphasis his studies because midterms stood around the corner.  Even though he worked a part-time job and remained a full-time student he grew bored in his spare time.  In his spare time, Johnny spends time with his family and friends or sits on a ragged bench at the park to see the sun rays disappear over the horizon.



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